Thursday, January 10, 2008

funniest e-mail in a long time...

Please be on your guard for this .
You may have read recently about the person whose kidneys were stolen from him while he was passed out. Well, read on. Something like this happened to me and countless other women.
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones were the texture of lumpy porridge. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years?
Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and those tights that pull everything in. Then, just when my guard was down the thieves struck again.
My rear end was next! I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had lumbered me with earlier. I couldn't believe it. My new behind was attached at least three inches lower than my original. Now, it complemented my thighs lump for lump. Frantically I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Last year I realised my arms had been switched. One morning I was brushing my hair when I watched horrified, but fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was getting really scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish. I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I have given up short sleeved t-shirts.
Last month my neck disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey, which it now resembled.
I can't take on the medical profession by myself. WOMEN OF THE WORLD WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! That really isn't plastic those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you?
The next time you suspect someone has had a face 'lifted', look again. Was it 'lifted' from you? I think I finally found my thighs and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!!


P.S. How paranoid am I ? Last night I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed I was relieved to find that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I am keeping them safely tucked into my waistband!


aksunflour said...

ROFL! You do know that when people lose weight the fat atoms float around and land on all the skinny people. Because they are atoms and atoms never go away.

Anna said...


Jane said...

Too funny!

Jewels said...

LMAO - I had to copy this and send to my sister. Too funny.